Lookback

In business, you do a "look back" every so often. Maybe to review a specific project, or just get a general idea of progression over a specific time period. The purpose is to analyze things to see what you did right and what you did wrong. To me, that's what New Year's is about...doing a look back and assessing what you've learned, where you screwed up, and what you need to do to make yourself, and the upcoming year, better.

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
― Maya Angelou

This is my 2011 look back.

2011 did not lack in excitement or change. I finished some things I started, started some things I had been meaning to do, and randomly got thrown into new things along the way. I learned a lot this past year. A lot about myself, other people, and just about life in general.

Timeline of change:

-    May, I graduated from my MBA program

-    Summer, “free at last” to do all those things in Tulsa I had been meaning to do for the      past three years

-     Vacation to the Dominican Republic

-     Started working out with a personal trainer

-     August, found out my company was closing its Tulsa office

-     October, moved to Houston (so much for doing all those things in Tulsa I had meant to do)

-     End of October, decided to build a house

I learned that it's okay to leave dirty dishes in the sink (or insert any other household chore). Better Homes & Gardens isn’t coming by any time soon, and if a good friend stops by…they won’t care about my dirty dishes because they came to see me, not my house. Sometimes there are just more important things. That's not an excuse for bad house-keeping, just my reminder to keep my priorities in order.

I finished graduate school. In retrospect, I’m not sure if I went through grad school in a hallucinogenic state or if I just liked it as a form of torture. I think about going to school now and I get nauseated. I’m extremely glad I did it, but I’m not really sure how I did it. I do know that I went into the program with kind of a haughty attitude...I think I just really wanted the title. Now, however, I am humbled more by what I don't know than what I do. I'm extremely grateful that my path crossed with some of my teachers and classmates...I am a better person because of that. I am also grateful for the perspective change I got after studying in China. I see the world, and people very differently. I feel like "I get it" now, even though I'm certain I have far to go.

I’m not one that puts a whole lot of weight in horoscopes or anything like that, but I do see where a lot of the personality traits of different signs make sense. For instance, I’m an Aquarius. I’m an analytical person and I tend to put reason and logic over everything and because of that, I can come off as being cold or not very compassionate. My husband, however, is a Cancer. He is a sensitive, passionate soul. If he likes you, he’d probably do anything for you (literally anything), but if he doesn’t like you…you may as well not exist because that’s how little he cares. There’s no grey/middle for him. Although our two dominate personality traits can clash, I think over this past year we’ve actually been teaching each other a lot. I’ve taught him how to be more resourceful and a problem solver, and he’s taught me a lot about actively showing compassion to others (rather than just feeling it) and how important (the right kind of) communication is. We both try and do better about giving the other one the benefit of the doubt. I also think we've both been working on not allowing ourselves to do or say things to one another under the umbrella of "well I can do what I want because we're married and they have to love me anyway". I have been focused on myself for so long, that I have to remind myself to be considerate of others. It's not that difficult to do, I just need more practice.

I learned that although my family is great, there are a lot of other people in my life that fill in the spots that my family misses. I'm extremely grateful for the people that have come into my life and made it better.

Along those same lines, I've learned that it's okay to not be okay. My husband and friends have always been supportive of me, but over the last six months or so, these people lifted me up before I even knew I was sinking. Not that the last six months has been bad, it's actually been chaotically wonderful, but I just hit a few unexpected emotional pot holes. You understand, right? I was able to let go of the reins and just let others take care of me. It's a very freeing feeling.

I learned that I don't hate Houston. Upon the prospect of moving here, I was not excited to say the least. I had only heard horror stories about the traffic and such, but once I accepted that it does take 30-45 minutes to get everywhere, things have been great! I am really enjoying my new role in my company, I'm excited about our house we're building, and I love discovering things in our new city. There's so much to do and see, it's awesome. Oh yeah, and I work across the street from a mall, so I can get a little retail therapy in on my lunch hour. Winning!

Additionally, one of my major faults that I've always had is my lack of time management. In the past, I've been able to just work around it or squeeze stuff in at the last minute. I suppose I like the pressure that procrastination brings. You can't do that in Houston, though. I'm forced to plan ahead and do things in advance, or else I either don't get it done, or it costs me a great deal of time...time that I don't have. My poor Outlook calendar is suffocating.

We've had our little Scottie, Gus, for a full year now. He's such an awesome dog! When I'm not in a particularly good mood, his excitement to see me always makes me smile. He's pretty well-behaved, plays when it's time to play, sleeps/lays down when it's time to be quiet, and is loving and sweet all of the time. When we were in Tulsa, we did a puppy class, and I think he really enjoyed it. I need to find something like that here to do with him. If you haven't seen his puppy agility course performance, you should see it here.

This last summer, I did one of the best things I've done for myself in a long time...I hired a personal trainer. During grad school, working out simply did not have room on my schedule. Sleep was vastly more important. So, after I graduated, I set a goal for myself to get in shape. Now, when I say that, a lot of people say, "Oh, but you're so thin, you don't need to work out". Listen, just because you can fit into a small dress size does not mean your body is healthy. I was not healthy. Anyway, I hired a trainer because I needed some guidance. I could do basic exercises, but I was never an athlete, I didn't know how to work out properly...and on top of that, I have knee issues and I needed someone to show me how to work my legs without damaging my knees further. Tina totally kicked my rear every week, and it was awesome! I did things physically that I didn't every think I could do. Although I don't have a trainer anymore, I now know how to exercise my body properly and the right foods to fuel my body. That's an education I can take with me through the rest of my life!

As part of my plan of betterment (not a word? sorry) I took a spiritual gifts quiz, prompted by my friend Kathryn who is currently going through seminary. (Check her blog out here!) I know God put us in Houston for a reason, so I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to see what my spiritual gifts are so that I can start using them! That's the point, isn't it? My top four that were all within one or two points of one another: Giving (money), Faith, Administration (leading), and Mercy. I find that to be a pretty odd combo, but you know what?, I always knew I was a little different. Now, that I'm typing this though, it makes perfect sense. A few years back, I knew I didn't want to do (career-wise) what I had gone to school to do, but I didn't know what I wanted to do. I took all sorts of aptitude tests, and I always came out above average on every criteria...nothing jumped out and said "you'd be really great at this". So, I started doing some research and I found myself wishing to be these women who were running organizations like UNICEF and United Way. So I said, okay, how did these women get where they are. To my naive surprise, they didn't work their way up through social service programs...they were former vice presidents of major banks, CEO's of public companies, and entrepreneurs that started companies in their garage that are now international. They used their high-level business accumen to help others. So I set out to learn business, so that one day, I can hopefully do what these women are doing...

Having Mercy that fuels the desire to help those that can't help themselves

Administering over the organization to see that it's running efficiently and effectively

Having Faith that God's hand is in a part of everything they are doing
Joyfully Giving back part of God has afforded, as He paved the way up the corporate ladder

I love epiphanies, don't you?

Here's to a new year, and a better me. I wish y'all all the best!