An Emo-ish View on Marriage

Let me preface this post by saying that my Pandora station has been playing nothing but moody, introspective late '90's early 2000's music today. Think...Fuel, REM, Counting Crows, Goo Goo Dolls, Dishwalla, Live, etc.. Hence the "emo" title.

Okay, so now that you know the frame of mind I'm in...

I've grown to not really care for romantic comedies. Have the females in the room regained consciousness? Good. Let's proceed. Now don't write me off completely, yet. I still get sucked into Pretty Woman when it comes on TBS, and I always enjoy seeing Matthew Mcconaughey without his shirt in How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days. What has turned me off, however, is the sheer lack of reality. That's it. Plain and simple. They're movies that make us believe that that's how love and relationships are supposed to go. Well, that's not how it goes, and if I'm totally honest, I think those kind of portrayals can really damage a girl and her relationships. What I mean by that is, I'm sure there are girls that have passed up on really great men just simply because the flutter in her stomach went away, or that an argument didn't end with a passionate apology and profession of love...in the rain...without runny make-up...making the said flutters return...and having sex multiple times on a bear skin rug. (A.K.A. The Notebook.)

That being said, do those Notebook-type moments occur? Sure they do! But no relationship has the ability to stay in that constant state. Like Kyle says about his customers, it's all about managing expectations. Does anyone remember Vienna from the Bachelor (and Bachelor Pad)? Girlfriend wants to wake up everyday with a tiara on her head and a man knelt by her bedside with a rose. Sorry honey, that's not how it works. But that is exactly how the majority of all romantic comedies go.

I realize that this makes me sound extremely cynical, and perhaps I am a bit. But I'm not cynical or bitter about love and/or marriage at all! Marriage is a wonderful thing. I love my husband dearly and I think we have a fantastic marriage, but that does not mean that he puts the toilet seat down, watches every TV show I want to, or isn't just a grody boy sometimes. That's all just part of the deal I signed up for. (And because I am an absolutely perfect human and wife, and never do anything to make Kyle say "holy crap, I have to learn to deal with _____ for the rest of my life?!". Never ; )  )

I could go on and on, but I'll end with this...an excerpt from an article (which I read after a friend's quote on FB reminded me of it) of an interview with Mark Gungor.

He compares it to Proverbs 14:4 which says, "Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, but much increase comes by the strength of the ox."

“Like the ox, marriage is a great, productive thing,” he says. “But if you are going to have an ox, then you’re going to have ox poo. There is no such thing as a poo-free marriage.  The problem is, many don’t expect to find any poo at all in their marriage, and when they encounter stuff that stinks, they see it as a sign that they married the wrong person.” 

Contrary to what many believe, the success of a marriage has little to do with marrying the right person, he says.

“The truth is, a successful marriage is not the result of marrying the “right” person, feeling the “right” emotions, thinking the “right” thoughts, or even praying the “right” prayers,” Gungor writes in his book. “It’s about doing the “right” things -- period.”