Baby bubbles

High Chair Laughs...

Moo No More

*I wrote this post over a month’s time, so I apologize for the poor tense usage. I started to go back and edit it accordingly, but decided the post seemed a little more honest in its “raw” form.

DISCLAIMER: MEN, this post is completely about breastfeeding…so feel free to read on, but I just thought I’d warn you in advance.

There are many challenges and choices that new mothers face. I’m coming to understand that breastfeeding [or not] is probably the biggest of them all.

I knew going into it, that many women struggle…the baby won’t latch, milk supply issues, mastitis, and a host of other things. So, I had given myself the permission to forgo breastfeeding in the event that it just didn’t work for us. I never really needed that permission, though, because other than taking what often seems like an eternity to eat and eating every 2-2.5 hours until he was almost 3 months old, Carson and I had become pretty good at this breastfeeding thing.

My supply would have its ups and downs, but even after returning to work, I was able to produce enough to only need to supplement with formula on occasion. Some days I was even able to freeze a little extra. I felt really great that I was able to do that for my child!

So why, then, does it make me feel so…awful.

I don’t ever remember reading anything where women talked about what breastfeeding and pumping does to you mentally…but I found out. On one hand, I was thrilled that I could keep up (for the most part) with my baby’s needs, and feed him in a way that many other mothers want to and cannot. But simultaneously, I was jealous of formula feeding mothers who didn’t have to worry about keeping the ice packs in their pumping bag frozen, how to work out the logistics of meeting friends for lunch after church, hiding in a back room to nurse/pump while family and friends visit in the living room, or your co-worker getting assignments because your office door is closed to pump. For me, breastfeeding meant isolation.

Many reading this will think, “well why didn’t you just nurse him on the go or in the living room. It’s natural and no one will care.” Well, for one, Carson takes between 30-45 minutes to nurse. So often times, (in the case of meeting people for lunch) everyone else is done eating lunch and ready to go by the time I’ve finished feeding Carson, so I get my lunch to go and eat at home. So what was the point of going out? Also, he’s not just a latch on and eat ‘til full kind of kid. He will for the most part, but then he needs to be burped, change sides, sit up for a bit, etc… Nursing covers don’t really help enough in those situations for me to be comfortable nursing in public. I’d need an entire bed sheet to cover us. And that would just look stupid.

So here I sit, feeling so guilty. I decided to start weaning a bit seeing that I exclusively pump for the most part anyway; Carson really didn’t dictate my supply that much anymore. I and my pump did. I thought doing 50/50 breast milk/formula was a good compromise. But the knot in my stomach has me second-guessing myself. I have the ability to produce everything my child needs, but the process of doing so interferes so much with the rest of my life. So I guess my question to myself is…how much of my life is worth putting on hold so that I can 100% breastfeed my child?

I know that there are many opinions on this. Before starting on the weaning endeavor, I consulted a couple of friends that I knew would be objective and supportive. Both said, you have to do what is best for EVERYONE in your family. Not just what is best for the baby.

So, I guess the ultimate question is…is it better to feel guilty for not exclusively breastfeeding, or to have anxiety about being isolated?

Yes, I know that there are many 100% formula fed babies that grow up to be just fine. Actually, I am one of them! Incidentally, I have fewer health problems than a lot of people that I know were breastfed. And would my life have been that much different had my IQ had been 3 points higher? I doubt it. Oddly enough, I absolutely do not judge how other women choose to feed their babies. I think breastfeeding is a good thing to at least try, but your body and baby are not my own. So I place no degree of scrutiny over what anyone else does.

So, why then, do I feel so torn up?

I’m not certain that I have an answer. And no, I’m not looking for sympathy or applause. I’m just putting this out there because it’s what I’m going through, and I imagine that there are others doing the same.

9/9/2013 Update:

As of a week ago, I have completely stopped breastfeeding. At times it makes me sad because I miss that bonding time with my baby, but I don’t miss the feeding sessions with a fussy baby and me having anxiety about whether or not he’s actually eaten enough. I don’t miss having to go hide somewhere for 45 minutes every few hours. In fact, we went to OK over Labor Day weekend, and it was so nice not to have to worry about pumping or timing our travel with breastfeeding. I was actually able to enjoy myself and others around me so much more. And I definitely don’t miss pumping at work. I can wear normal clothes again!!

Carson has done really well on formula. He’s “chunked up” a little, his skin seems to be a little less dry, and he hasn’t near the diaper rash issues that he was being that he doesn’t have as many bowel movements every day. Quite frankly, he doesn’t care either way. If it’s warm milk and has a nipple of any kind…he’ll take it.

I am also happy that I chose to wean very slowly, almost over a month’s time. I had read about hormone crashes coinciding with rapid weaning…and that was the absolute last thing I needed! I was never in pain, and I think it helped Carson’s GI system adjust to getting formula full-time.

So all in all, it’s still a little bittersweet, but I know that this is one less-stressed mom, and I think that that has to be good for everyone!

Thought for the day...

It wasn't until I was more than old enough to know better, that I figured out  "bob-war" is actually "barbed wire". 

4-Months!

{I wrote this two weeks ago, but my browser is outdated and wouldn't let me edit}

We had our 4-Month check-up and vaccinations yesterday!

14 lbs. 14 ounces (35%)

27 Inches long (97%)

17.17 Inches head circumference (91%)

Lately, Carson has been…

-seeing how loud he can “talk”

-rolled back to front twice that we’ve seen, but I’m not sure how much of it was intentional

-sitting in his Bumbo chair

-grabbing everything he can get his hands on…and then promptly putting them in his mouth

-looking around the room when he hears Kyle’s or my voice

-getting super excited when being read to

-laughing!

-sleeping around 11 hours at night, with only the occasional need to have is paci re-inserted

I think I can...I think I can...

Being a new mom is exhausting, wonderful, overwhelming, joyous, stressful...I could go on. 

At times, I look at my sink of dishes, pile of dirty laundry, counter of used bottles, and a chair in our bedroom with a mound of clothes...and think, I can't do this!

On my way to work, almost every day, I see this man walking along the side of the road. The first time I saw him, I thought he was hitch hiking. Then I realized that I was seeing him every morning at the same time. Then it dawned on me...he's clean shaven, has on what appear to be clean clothes with his shirt tucked in, and carries a plastic bag...he's walking to work. The closest area from where I usually spot him walking is probably 3-4 miles away...and there is no sidewalk. He walks through shin-high grass the whole way. And it's Houston, and it's hot regardless of the time of day. 

So, when I see some dishes that need to be done, or a pile of laundry that needs to be folded...I thank God that Kyle and I are fortunate to have the jobs we have, and I can appreciate that the things I need to take care of at home aren't really that bad. 

Carson Update (and photo dump): 16 Weeks

I’ve been meaning to do a “since Carson was born” post for a long time…but I just haven’t had much time to do things I want to do. This is going to be long and maybe a little disjointed, but I’m just throwing it all out there.

About a year and two days ago, I went home from work with one of the worst colds I had ever had. What was worse was that I knew for a fact that I couldn’t take anything for my cold, because I had just confirmed that morning that I was indeed pregnant. I had had my suspicions for a few days…I was in a training class the week before and would frequently get hot flashes and nauseated. I took a test (or three) that Monday morning to find out for certain. I didn’t tell Kyle right away…I wanted to figure out a cool way to tell him. Those of you that know Kyle know that he is a numbers/finance guy, and he is constantly tweaking our budget and working on our retirement plans. So, when he got home from work he was on the phone, and then he wanted to take care of some other things…finally I insisted that he look over our budgeting spreadsheet because I had been thinking about some things and thought it needed some adjusting. As he scrolled down, he saw all of our normal expenses and seemed confused…until he got to the bottom where I had inserted line items for diapers, daycare, baby clothes, nursery décor, etc… His mouth fell open and he looked at me a third shocked, a third scared, and a third thrilled! He excitedly said, “are you serious?!” I said, “Yep!” He looked back at the spreadsheet….”Do diapers really cost $4500 per year?” “I have no idea, but I guess we’re about to find out”, I said.

I will say that those first few weeks were really rough. Actually, I take that back, the first week wasn’t that bad. I remember thinking, “I’ve totally got this!”. I was just kind of on autopilot. Kyle even did the good, responsible spouse thing and would pull me aside from time to time to check and see how I was doing mentally…just like all of our books and classes told him to do. As we learned, Post-Partum Depression is A LOT more common than anyone would realize or like to admit. The thing was, I never got depressed or even the “baby blues”. I just got anxious. Really anxious. My Mom came to stay with me that first week, which turned out to be an even bigger help than I had imagined since I ended up having an unplanned c-section, and Kyle had to go back to work and was even more busy than normal as he was helping open four new restaurants. It was after everyone left and I was home alone for 10-12 hours a day, that I started to go a little crazy. It would start around 4 in the afternoon, and last all night. I was just super anxious and on edge. I could never relax. I was always anticipating when Carson would want to eat next. Would it be 45 minutes? Or 10? I didn’t dare go to sleep in fear that it would only be 10 minutes. After talking to a few other women, this is apparently very normal. I am thinking that this happens because in non-baby land, we get off of work around 5, unwind at home or doing whatever we like to do, and then we go to bed whenever we wish. Well, with a newborn, there is no wind down from the day, and you never really go to bed. And this messes with your head. But, it does pass. I just had to keep telling myself...it will get better, and eventually, it did! Also, the books and classes/lactation consultant stress the importance of learning your baby’s feeding cues and feeding them before they get too upset. In hindsight, it wouldn’t have killed either of us if I had waited to feed him until he got a little upset. He still would have eaten just fine, and I wouldn’t have been shooting up out of bed with every little peep he made.

I think a lot of this was prompted by the fact that I never really slept after the night before my induction. Carson was born at 11:28 p.m., so I didn’t sleep that night, and from then on he ate. And ate, and ate, and ate. Even though he would get full and fall asleep, he would pop his eyes open the second we laid him in the bassinet (our hospital frowned upon letting the baby sleep on you if you were going to fall asleep…as a safety risk) On night three, I figured we had this whole breastfeeding thing down, so I asked the nurse to take him to the nursery and to use a pacifier if need be. He took the pacifier, and we both slept for about 2 ½ hours.

One thing I was curious about prior to birth was how I would feel about this baby. I heard a lot of people talk about how they were just suddenly overwhelmed with a love that they’d never felt before, however, I know myself and how elusive my emotions tend to be, so I didn’t know if I’d be one of those people or not. Well, it was as I expected, I of course loved Carson from the second I saw his scrunched up face, but I wasn’t overcome with emotion. I think part of that stems from the fact that he was born via c-section, and I couldn’t [physically] feel anything, and then all of a sudden my doctor was holding a crying baby up over the drape. It took a bit for it to sink in that the crying I heard across the room was coming from MY baby. But every hour, every time I looked at him, every whimper from that moment on, my love for and awe of him grew exponentially. Kyle and I talked about that on our way home from the hospital, and he admitted that he felt the same…it wasn’t a sudden collision with love for him either, but a slow-steady love that had us both completely enamored.

Sure, we have rough moments from time to time, but for the most part, Carson is an extremely easy, textbook baby. I like to think that I did something that made him that way, and perhaps I may have helped, but he’s only had a few colicky days, and otherwise doesn’t really cry much unless there’s a real reason…needs a diaper change, food, is sleepy, or just overstimulated. I never “put him on a schedule”, but as he started to sort his own patterns out, I might encourage him to go 15 more minutes before he ate, and that sort of thing. We also started doing a bedtime routine early on, even though neither one of us “went to bed” for a good while. So now he knows what to expect and when…and believe me, if we wait too long after his last bottle in the evening before starting his bath, he lets us know about it! He started sleeping through the night (with the occasional need to be re-swaddled or for paci re-insertion) around 10 weeks, which is right before I came back to work…so that was a beautiful thing! We feed him around 7:30-8, bath, massage, story, and then swaddled and rocked to sleep. We do a “dream feed” around 10:00, and then he’s good for the night food-wise!

Going back to work was really hard in that I just missed being with Carson. I actually enjoy getting dressed and putting make-up on in the morning, and conversing with adults about real-world things, but I just miss my kid! I’m very happy with the school that he is at, though. They do all kinds of activities, and I know that Carson just eats it up. I mean, I don’t have puppets at home! Kyle and I are going to have to learn Spanish, however. A few of his teachers are bilingual, and when they read books or show them pictures of objects, they say it in both English and Spanish.

The hardest transition coming back to work has simply been adjusting my mindset. I think that I assumed that when I went back to work, I was doing just that, going back to my full-time, adult job, and would be a mom when I got home. What I have discovered, however, is that being a mother is now my full-time, 24 hours/day job, and my career is my part-time job that I just do on top of everything else. Work has been difficult in several aspects. I get to work early so that I can leave early, and I have to leave at a certain time. No more staying late to finish up a project. Also, I’m still breastfeeding Carson, so I have to shut my door a few times a day to pump. Normally this isn’t a big deal, but there have been times where I’ve been passed over for projects or to gather information because I wasn’t readily available. These things make me feel like I’m not able to pull my weight in some ways, but I’m honestly doing all that I can within the parameters that I’m working in.

Speaking of breastfeeding…I have a love/hate relationship with it. I discovered that I have an extremely slow let-down reflex, so when nursing, it takes Carson FOREVER to eat. I hear these women who talk about their babies eating for 8 minutes per side, and I want to slap them with jealousy. It takes Carson a minimum of 20 minutes per side. So these people who say that nursing is great because you take food with you wherever you go and you can just go feed them on a mall bench or in the car…doesn’t really apply to us.  Pumping is a great option for us in the sense that I’m able to provide Carson with all the breast milk he needs, but let’s be honest…you already feel like a cow after having a baby with this big ‘ol loose belly anyway, stick some plastic flanges on your boobs and you might as well chew some grass too. Oh and then there are the blocked ducts…that’s fun to deal with at work.  I also would like to wear clothes that don’t require nursing or pump accessibility, or drink copious amounts coffee without affecting Carson’s ability to sleep, or eat a big bowl of beans (or some other gaseous food).

The love part comes on weekends or evenings when we have no agenda, and I can sit there on the couch and nurse as long as Carson needs. It really is a neat bonding experience. I get to snuggle him close to me, and he is completely content eating. I think Kyle enjoys it because it’s one of the few times when I’m not in a tizzy because “someone needs to be doing something because there’s always something that needs to be done!”

Carson is the absolute joy of my life, and the best part of my day is picking him up at daycare. He’s smiling, laughing, cooing, trying his hardest to roll back to front, grabbing things and immediately putting them in his mouth, and growing like a weed. Seriously, I just bought him 9-month footless pajamas because he outgrew his 6-month footed ones when he was about 12 weeks old. I know, I know…I should have completely anticipated a long, skinny baby.

Stats:

Birth: 8 lbs. 3.5 oz.  22 inches

1-month: 9 lbs. 15 oz.  22.5 inches

2-month: 11 lbs. 9 oz.  24.5 inches

Firsts:

Holding head and shoulders off the ground during tummy time: 17 days

Intentional smiles: 6 weeks

Roll front to back: 8 weeks

Photo Dump!

Newborn Picture Gallery:
http://chubbycheekphotography.com/slideshow/?/set/896b/carson

Stuff I like...

I'm sure every new mom has a list of things they love, and a host of things they thought they'd use and never touched, and things they thought were dumb but ended up saving them in a time of crisis. Here's my list of things that I use a lot, and would recommend to any new mom

Fisher Price Rock N Play Sleeper
This was an item that I never would have thought to get had a friend not highly recommended it. I thought it would be great to have as an alternative to a bouncer or something. What I didn't expect was that it would be my son's favorite place to sleep, and is currently taking the place of his bassinet by our bed at night. Why I like it: First, I think Carson likes it better than an open bassinet because it cradles their little bodies a little bit, rather than being an open, flat space that's a completely foreign feeling to them given where they just came from. Also, it is set on a little bit of an incline, so I don't worry about him spitting up or having reflux, even if I lay him down in it right after eating. Having a dog, I appreciate that it's higher off of the ground than a bouncer, and having had a c-section, it's a lot easier for me to get him in and out of. Lastly, it does sit on curved rails, so like the name suggests, a little tap and it rocks your semi-asleep baby back to la-la land. 

Vaseline
Even if you don't want to use a petroleum product, Babyganics makes a similar, organic product. For boys, you need it anyway for circumcision care (if you choose to do so) and I also slather his butt in it if I think it's getting irritated...it keeps poop from sitting on the skin and makes it easier to clean off. I specifically do this before I put him down for the night when I know he might sit in a dirty diaper for a longer than normal period of time.

Disposable changing pad liners 
Yes, I have the pretty little chenille pad cover, but babies pee, poop, and spit up on those things. Plus, I keep a couple in my diaper bag for changes on the go. 

Light cotton receiving blankets
I thought I had way too many receiving blankets, and had considered re-gifting a few sets that I had received for some to-be moms I know. I'm glad that I didn't because we go through probably three blankets a day. I really like the ones from Carter's and Aden & Anais because they are great for swaddling, and given the warm Houston weather, I don't worry about him getting too warm. 

Gowns (with hand cuffs)
Yes, even for little boys. I like the gowns for nighttime when you want them to be warm (and hands covered to keep from scratching), but they just give you much easier access for diaper changes, especially in the middle of the night when you're trying to disturb them as little as possible. I will say that the nurses at the hospital appreciated them as well when they would have to check vitals and his umbilical cord and circumcision.

In regard to pacifiers and bottles, you may do a ton of research and find THE latest and greatest thing that your baby MUST have...but here's the thing, your baby might not get that message. A friend made the suggestion to me, and she was right...don't invest a ton of money on a big set of bottles or a specific pacifier until you know what they'll take the best. Instead, have a small selection of both at home in the event your baby doesn't care for THE item that you want them to like. I recommend this even if you are 100% committed to breastfeeding exclusively. You just never know what might happen, and it's easier to be prepared than send your husband out on an adventure at 2 a.m.

Milkies Milk Saver...put it on the boob you're not nursing and it collects what you leak giving you additional milk to store and less breast pads to change.

Some type of binder or girdle to keep things from feeling so jiggly. Supposedly they help your waist to go back to where it came from, which will be great if that is indeed what happens, but for now, I just like the additional support.


Stuff I've enjoyed having, but not a "necessity"...

One recommendation I got when discussing what features to look for regarding rockers and gliders, was to get a glider that has an auto-lock feature. What this does, is as you shift your weight to get up, the seat of the glider locks in place, giving you something to push against to get up. I love those big, cushy custom gliders, but after having to try and get out of one with a sleepy baby, I decided to get the locking glider.

Wipes warmer. Again, a total non-necessity, but in the middle of the night, I feel like it's a little less startling to put a warm wipe on their bottom than freezing cold. 

Dreft detergent. Most people use some type of sensitive or "free and clear" detergent for their baby's things since their skin is super sensitive in the beginning. I thought I would get one bottle of Dreft for the first washing of everything just because, but probably wouldn't purchase it after I was done with this bottle. That was until I became obsessed with the smell of the detergent combined with my sweet baby's skin. I never say this...but OMG! I will use this stuff until my boy becomes stinky and gross and needs "real" detergent.

Instant hot water tap. We had one of these in our house in Tulsa which I used for hot tea and to really sanitize things, and I remembered thinking then, whatever house we're in when we have kids...we are getting one of these. Yes, you can put water in a Pyrex cup and microwave it, but the spout on the sink makes it so easy to quickly sanitize a dropped pacifier, or soak bottles and pumping equipment. I keep a large plastic bowl by the sink and as I use things, I toss them in the bowl and once or twice a day, I fill it with the scalding hot water and little soap and wash everything. I don't feel like I need to boil all of his bottles and such after every use. Plus, it makes boiling water for pasta that much quicker of a process ; )


That's it for now!

Carson's Birth Story

On Tuesday April 2^nd, 2013…we had quite the day.I was scheduled to go for a visit at my OB’soffice and likely be induced that evening, but they kept calling and changingthe time we needed to come in. So finally, I went to my OB’soffice at about 1:30 to get checked while Kyle dropped Gus off at our friend’shouse nearby. As I suspected, I was still just a little over 1 cm dilated, sothe foley bulb was still a go. Since I knew they weren’t in a rush for me inL&D, I waited in the lobby for Kyle to get back

We got settled in our room and changed into the glamoroushospital gown, and I was hooked up to all of the monitors. Since I was Group BStrep positive, they started my antibiotic as well.

Around 6:00, my OB came byand checked all of my vitals and then got everything prepped. She placed thefoley bulb and gave us instructions for the evening, including that I could goahead and eat a full meal, which I was happy to hear because I did not want togo all night and most of the next day without eating. Labor and birth is aphysically taxing process, and doing it without fuel seemed awful. So Kyle wentacross the street and got us dinner and dessert from Cheesecake Factory!

At about 9:30, I was in the bathroom getting ready for bedwhen a nurse came in and the room phone simultaneously started ringing. Shesaid it was the doctor and for Kyle to answer the phone, and then she turned tome and asked, “When was the last time you ate?”.

I knew right then I was going to have to have a c-section.The only reason she would be concerned as to when I had last eaten was if I wasgoing to have to have some type of anesthesia. And anesthesia meant ac-section.

With my IV pole in hand, I got over to the bed where Kylewas on the phone with my doctor. I looked up at him and mouthed “C-Section?”,and he looked at my sympathetically and nodded yes. I put my head in my handsand started crying. I quickly tried to compose myself to talk to the doctorafter Kyle finished.

I took the phone and she said you know, we’ve been watchingyour strip (the contractions and baby’s heartrate), and in betweencontractions, everything looks gorgeous, but every time you have a contraction,his heart rate goes down. The concerning thing is that the contractions I washaving were very mild, and if the baby wasn’t handling these very well, therewas no way that he would handle the “real” labor contractions with Pitocin thatwould follow the next day. She said she was extremely surprised that this washappening because in the past weeks, his biophysical scans in the office tookno time at all because everything looked so healthy (plenty of amniotic fluid,healthy placenta, great movement from baby, etc.), and she had no reason tobelieve that he wouldn’t tolerate contractions…and is why she thought I wassuch a good candidate for the foley bulb.

After I got off of the phone, the charge nurse (my nurse washelping with another surgery) came in and put her arms around me and heldme…just like my mother would have done if she were there, and she just let mecry for a few minutes. Then she said, you know, this happens sometimes. Andthen she said probably the best thing that anyone could have said to me.

She said, you know what my birth plan is? I said, no. Shesaid, my plan is to help deliver babies that can read and write when they areyoung children. You see these dips in his heart rate? Every time that happens,he loses a little bit of oxygen. Have you ever seen little children and justthought, you know, something just isn’t right with that child? Well, I wouldalmost guarantee the problem is that that baby was deprived of oxygen duringlabor and delivery. I really respect your doctor and if she thinks that this isimportant enough to come in this late at night to perform the surgery, thenit’s something that definitely needs to be done.

Although my fears about having a c-section weren’tnecessarily diminished, it confirmed that delivering via c-section was in factthe best thing that we could do for our baby.

My doctor was in my room by about 10:00. She said that sheconsidered just taking the bulb out and letting me rest, and doing thec-section in the morning, but there were already several surgeries booked forthe morning, so we needed to do it that night.

The anesthesiologist came in afterwards and introducedhimself, and again, asked when the last time I ate was. He was a very nice,personable doctor and admitted that having the procedure so quickly after I’deaten wasn’t ideal, but that we could manage anything that came up during thesurgery.

Actually, it wasn’t the thought of being cut open thatscared me; it was primarily what my reactions to the drugs would be. I hadseveral women tell me that they were so loopy and disoriented during and aftertheir c-sections that they had to have people show them pictures just to jogtheir memory of their child’s birth. Being that I had eaten so close to thesurgery, I was really concerned about the level of medication they would haveto give me or if I would be vomiting all over the floor. About 30 minutesbefore we went back to the operating room, I was given this little 3 oz. drinkthat tasted like unsweetened limeade concentrate. It helped my stomach digestthe contents a little more quickly. And then they followed with a dose ofReglan directly into my IV. I did have a (normal) reaction to that…I startedgetting hot and sweating profusely. Kyle grabbed a piece of paper and startedfanning me. It was then that I started getting really nervous.

Soon after 11:00, the nurse walked us back to the OR. Theyhad Kyle sit outside in the hallway until I was prepped and they were ready forhim. I sat up on the table…and I was shaking. The anesthesiologist came overwith his kit and asked if I was shaking because I was nervous, and I said yes.Trying to reassure me, he said there’s nothing to be nervous about! The nursesaid, you’re nervous about the unknown, right? I said yes. The anesthesiologistsaid, oh this is quick. You’ll be holding your baby in no time. That statementactually made me feel better.

The nurse helped me roll my back over to give the doctoraccess to my spine, and he said okay, this is the worst part (the numbing). Andit did burn, but after that, I didn’t feel a thing…just my legs getting warmand heavy. They laid me on my back and finished prepping me. Not too long afterthat, Kyle came in with his scrubs on. I have to admit, he looked rather cutein his scrubs ; ) Then the actual surgery began. We smelled a burning scent,and Kyle asked “What’s that smell?”. The anesthesiologist said, “you don’t wantto know”. I knew exactly what it was…it was my skin/blood vessels beingcauterized as I was being cut open, but I wasn’t about to tell Kyle that.

At 11:28 p.m., my OB heldup over the drape one of the longest babies I had ever seen. And he cried. Nota fussy newborn cry. A deep, strong, “I’m here to conquer the world” kind ofcry. It was beautiful. Carson Ross Blair was here.

They had Kyle go over to the warming bassinet where thetransition nurse was going over the baby’s vitals and doing her assessments.When she did the Apgar, she noted that he was a 9/10…and of course Kyle asked,“well why isn’t he a 10?”. Apparently she gave him a perturbed look and let himknow that 10’s are rare, and that Carsongot a 9 because his hands were a little blue.

Kyle kept walking back and forth in between the baby and me,giving me updates. Finally, he was able to bring Carson over to me. He was a perfectlycontent, little bright-eyed bundle. Kyle put Carson’s face up to mine, and I’m not surethat I’ll ever forget that first feeling of his soft skin and warm breath on myface. The anesthesiologist played photographer for us.

It took about 20 minutes for them to finish putting me backtogether, and while doing so, my OB told me that the baby had still been veryhigh in my uterus and that his umbilical cord was loosely wrapped around hisneck once, so even if he had tolerated the contractions, I would have likelyhad a very long, hard labor, and possibly ended up in the OR anyway.

I was finally wheeled to the post-op recovery area. The only side-effect I had from the anesthesia was that the top half of my body was shaking really badly. The same thing happened when I had knee surgery. Because of that,I couldn’t hold Carson right away, but I did get to relish in watching Kyle look over into thebassinet and talk to him. It was a sweet moment. Finally, I stopped shivering enough that I felt comfortable holding him. He was perfect…and acting hungry.So, I figured it was as good of a time as any to give breastfeeding a try. I’ll be darned if he didn’t latch immediately! He didn’t eat much or well, but it made me feel awesome that despite being brought into the world unnaturally andbeing away from me for quite some time, that he knew what to do.

The transition nurse came back to finish her work withCarson…vitamin K shot, blood sugar check, etc. Then we were all wheeled off toour room on the post-partum floor. Apparently we had one of the nicer, bigger rooms. Kyle was just excited that they sofa turned into a twin-sized bed and that he wasn’t going to have to sleep in a chair.

There’s much more to this story, but I’ll save it foranother time.

*I apologize for any spelling, grammatical, or formatting errors. I did the best I could in between marathon feeding sessions, laundry, and snuggling my baby. 

He's Here!

I'll do a detailed birth post later, but until then...

Carson Ross
4/2/13 @ 11:28 pm
8 lbs. 3.5 oz. 22 inches long

40 Weeks...

To be perfectly honest, when I first began blogging about my pregnancy, I never thought I would be posting a "40 Weeks" post. I thought that surely I would be posting a "Here's our baby" post, by now.

But, that's just not the way things are working out.

As of right now, it looks like I'll be induced next week. I would love to go into labor on my own, but, given the risks to the baby of being overdue...I'll take the induction. The main risks are...the baby getting too large, the placenta deteriorating and not providing adequate nutrition to the baby, and the baby going into distress and passing meconium, which could then be swallowed causing breathing problems and pneumonia.

The one upside to the induction is the method that my OB wants to try. She first wants to try a Foley Bulb to get my cervix up and running, and then start Pitocin if needed. The Foley Bulb just prevents us (myself and the baby) from having to have even more "stuff" in our systems, which I prefer.

Today is also my last day of work until after my maternity leave is up. Of course anything could happen between now and getting induced, but it's nice to know that I can spend the next few days just resting and taking care of any little things that are still on my list. I kind of thought that I would be frantic and a little stressed at this point about being gone from work for such a long time, but I pretty much had everything taken care of a couple of weeks ago, so other than maintenance, there's really not much to get worked up about.

I'm holding up okay, but I will admit that my hormones have gotten the best of me a couple of times over this past week. I think just the physical strain on my body, coupled with the unknown of how my body is going to change (or not) over the next week, finally got to me. Not to mention the fact that I'm normally not an emotional person, so I really didn't know what to do when some of the anxiety, frustration, and pain started coming to a head. Poor Kyle, he really didn't know what to do. He's used to me being the even-keeled one. I guess this is one time in my life when I'm granted a pass on being crazy from time to time ; )

I told someone yesterday, that I realize that being the parent of a newborn is exhausting work, but at least you have something to show for it. I'm just tired of being tired because I exist. Getting into bed is a feat on its own, and Kyle gets a good chuckle at how hard I'm breathing by the time I actually lay down. Pregnancy really makes you consider those mechanical, reclining beds that they advertise for the elderly.

Bright side: The only bonus of being the size of a beached whale...I haven't had to iron any of my tops for the past week...I put them on and any wrinkles that were there get stretched out.

Even with everything I complain about, I'm really not as miserable as it all sounds. I'm still able to get out and do things that I either enjoy, or need to do, without too much of an issue. And for the most part, when I'm up and going, I'm really not that uncomfortable. My main issue lately has become parking. Finding enough space that I can get out of my car can be difficult at times. I feel sorry for the people that are parked on the right side of me. I should probably write them an apology note.

Another bummer for us this week was that we learned one of our best neighbors is moving (job relocation). We've gotten to be friends with this particular family over the last few months, and they've really been supportive of us during the pregnancy. Besides just the friendship, the big heart-breaker is that I'm losing my built-in baby sitter. They have a 15 year old daughter that had already volunteered to babysit for us, and being that she (and her mother) were just a few houses away made me feel really good about the situation. But, there's a slew of young families in our neighborhood, so I'm certain I can get a recommendation pretty easily.

Now that I think about that...I bet babysitting in our area is a complete racket!


A little (or completely) off topic...over the past couple of months, as I've cooked big batches of things, I've frozen some of it into smaller portions for us to have after the baby comes. Last weekend, I made a big pot of gumbo. Gumbo really isn't that difficult to make, it's just a little time consuming...especially making roux from scratch. You get hot and sweaty, and your arm starts to feel like it's going to fall off...but by George you stand there and stir because the last thing you want are burnt bits that cause you to have to start completely over. Well, I ran across this method of making roux in the oven, and I was intrigued. Not only do you not have to stand over the pot and stir for an hour (or more), but you can make a relatively large batch and store it in smaller portions for the next time you need roux for something. Since I had the time (in the event it burned), I gave it a try, and I'll be John Brown if it didn't work! It took about two hours, but the result was a really nice, dark roux. I had enough for the batch of gumbo I was working on, and I stored probably 3 cups in two smaller mason jars. Anyway, I know it's off topic from the regular baby stuff, but while it was on my mind, I thought I'd share ; )

How Far Along: 40 Weeks

Size of baby: I'm going to guess around 8 lbs.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Yeah right.

Maternity Clothes: At this point, if it covers my belly, and doesn't cut into my hips...it gets worn.

Movement: Although a bit restricted, he's still moving like crazy. I almost got sick last night because I think he stretched out and pushed my entire digestive tract into my esophagus.

Sleep: It's hit or miss. I try to nap as much as possible simply because getting long periods of sleep just isn't going to happen. I can sleep at night once I get comfortable, but I inevitably wake up to pee or because my hips/back are killing me.

What I miss: Not feeling like a walrus.

Cravings: Funny enough, I haven't really wanted anything heavy lately. I ate a hamburger and fries the other day, and felt awful the rest of the afternoon.

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks contractions are becoming more frequent...but that's about it. 

Best Moment this week: Knowing for certain that I will have our baby in the next week. That makes me so incredibly happy!

39 Weeks

Yep, I'm still pregnant.

We had our appointment with the OB yesterday. She did a growth scan to see what the baby is measuring, and I believe she said on three different occasions..."Where are you hiding this baby??". Apparently my belly doesn't look big enough to be incubating a 7 lb. 10 oz. baby (by ultrasound measurements). Of course, ultrasounds are notoriously off...but each measurement, the head, abdomen, and back, was roughly the same...and by feel she guessed 7 1/2 lbs. The funny thing we got to see on the ultrasound was why some of his movements have been so sharp and uncomfortable. He is head down, but his feet are not tucked under his butt (which is under my right rib cage), but rather one foot is in the left side of my abdomen, and the other is by his face (my bladder and colon). My doctor said that's typically a position they see in breech babies, but since he's head down, she didn't see there being any complications in delivery. In fact, she giggled and said that a lot of babies like that end up with ink on their ears after they do the footprints because it feels so natural for them to have their feet by their head.

The bad news is that I'm way behind in progressing, as in, I'm hardly progressed at all. So, after going over the risks and complications of being overdue, we discussed scheduling an induction in two weeks if the blessed event hasn't occurred by then. Of course, just from reading and being more intrenched in all things pregnancy, I knew a lot of the concerns for going over the due date, but Kyle apparently did not. He (rightly) came away being very concerned and has now made it his mission to help me have this baby on time. I've already decided that I'm going to need a new pair of tennis shoes to replace the ones that are getting worn out from walking so much. But I love him for that...that he's taken that much interest and is concerned enough for myself and the baby to want to help me do whatever I need to do to get things going.  

Oh, and the fun little tidbit of the day...after we left the office, the nurse called me to tell me that after going over my chart again, my OB doesn't want me to gain any more weight between now and when I deliver. I actually chuckled and said "Uh, okay." So you tell me that I am small to be carrying a baby the size that I am, and then tell me not to gain any more weight?? Listen, I'm 39 weeks pregnant...as long as I'm getting enough of the good things that my body and the baby needs, I really couldn't care less about eating an extra serving of dessert!! I'm not obese, I don't have high blood pressure (113/75, thank you very much), and I'm not having a monster baby...give me a break!

That's all I can think of to tell you at the moment. Everything else is still pretty much the same...I feel as big as a house, it's hard to get really comfortable, and my feet and ankles have started to swell a little. COME ON BABY!!!!             

38.4 Weeks...

I know from my previous experience of stalking my pregnant friends' blogs and Facebook accounts, that any lull in activity concludes in the assumption that something exciting has happened or is happening. So although this probably won't be a long post, I thought I'd try to get something up just to make sure everyone knew that I am, indeed, still very much with child.

Our appointment last week went well. We saw a different OB in the group because mine was out. Everything was still pretty much the same, although she did estimate that baby boy is somewhat smaller than my OB has been predicting...which I'm perfectly OK with.

For the last few visits, and everyone going forward, I've had cervical checks. I've come to the conclusion that the receptionist needs to hand out ice cream cones, or at the very least, some type of monetary compensation for having to go through those. After my last one, Kyle made the comment that it looked really uncomfortable, but at least women were probably used to that from having yearly exams. I quickly informed him that no woman EVER gets used to that. A baby coming out, yes, it hurts, but at least it's a normal, natural process. Cervical checks, not a natural process and will never be "gotten used to".

I've been having a lot more Braxton Hicks and he has dropped a little, but nothing monumental. I could go into labor tomorrow, or I could need to be induced in 3 weeks. Who knows!

How do I feel? I feel like a double-wide trailer going down the highway and I need an escort truck with flashers ahead of and behind me. I keep being told that you can't even tell that I'm pregnant from behind, which is some consolation. Everything is just more difficult. Sitting in a normal, upright position. Getting comfortable to sleep (that's an oxymoron, by the way). Putting on shoes. Leaning over the bathroom sink to rinse my mouth out after brushing my teeth...etc...

I won't say that I'm miserable, it's just frustrating not to be able to do the things I'd like to. BUT, I can hang in there until baby boy decides that he's ready to introduce himself. I'm in the home stretch, and I owe the two of us that much.

Nursery!

Well, we FINALLY finished the nursery. The things that needed to be finished were mostly cosmetic, but still, it wasn't exactly the way I wanted it. But it is now!

Yes, that's Gus. He seems to like it in there. I think I'm going to have to get him a small bed to put in the corner so he has a "spot".

Wall art above the changing table. I have one more piece that I may put in the lower left-hand corner...but I'm fine with how it is in the event I don't get it finished.

Shel Silverstein poem. It's kind of difficult to read from the picture...so here's the quote.
“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

I made this as "Kyle's" piece. The football, of course. The scripture is his favorite, Phillipians 4:13. And the fabric in the back is the Blair-Family Scottish tartan plaid pattern.

 This was something that my best friend, Sara, made for the baby shower in Tulsa. She made the blank tree, and then had guests put their fingerprint on the tree and sign it.

 And for some various shots of the whole nursery....

 My mom did an awesome job making the bedding!



Our bags are packed and ready to go! Of course, if they sit there for much longer, I'm liable to take everything out and wash it again. Yes, my name is Sara, and I'm a first-time-mom ; )