Lean on me...

Over the last several days, Kyle’s dad, mom, brother,sister-in-law, and niece came down and stayed with us for a visit. It was ablast!

Cooking for seven people is not something I’m accustomed to (although I have a tendency of cooking way more food than for just twopeople), but when my sister-in-law asked me if it all stressed me out, I said no, not at all. Then I started thinking, why wasn’t I stressed? I should have been.

Being that we were all budget-conscious, Kyle and I planned ahead to sort out which meals we would go out to eat, what we could cook at home, activities, and so on. So, I planned out way in advance the details of every meal and developed my grocery list accordingly.

Also, I worked a few of the days they were here, and while I was at work, Kyle’s family pitched in and helped clean the kitchen, wash towels, and did any prep work I needed done for dinner. All I had to do was come home and cook. I imagine that’s kind of how Santa feels…having a little crew of elves to help him with the little stuff that makes the big stuff turn out so much better. It was wonderful!

Then I realized that I had two major things that kept me from becoming stressed. I had a plan and I had help.

Not long ago, a friend contacted me asking my advice. She was considering going back to school to work on her master’s, but she knew it would be tough. Having just finished myself and being in a similar situation as her, my advice was this…you need the grad school coordinator to give you a firm plan of what you’ll take and when so that you know what to expect, and you need your  new husband to be 100% in on this.

One of the most difficult things I’ve ever done was go back to school for my master’s degree. Although the degree itself was rather hard, it wasn’t that alone that made the whole experience so overwhelming. It was that I was a girlfriend/fiancée/newlywed, worked full time, and had a lot of friends and a social life. When tackling something like grad school that requires so much time and dedication, unfortunately, other areas of my life were compromised. I didn’t get to spend as much time with Kyle as I would have liked, I wasn’t able to give 100% every day at work, and I had to decline invitations to birthday parties, church functions, and family gatherings. If Kyle hadn’t been so understanding and onboard (cleaning, cooking, getting outof the house when I needed to study) the beginning of our marriage would have been treacherous. He did it all because he knew this short time period of “not-so-funness”would reward both of us later in life…and he never once made me feel guilty for not being there for him as much as we both would have liked. The key was that we both knew all of this before I even enrolled for my first semester. I also had a lot of support from family and friends. Just a genuine, “hey, how are you?” or a, “good luck on the exam!” meant so much more than the people who said it realized.

I suppose I say all of that to say…

You can do anything that’s really difficult for a short amount of time…if you have a plan and support.

So if you have a friend/relative/spouse tackling something big in their life, they need you more than you (and they) probably realize. They may need a word of encouragement, an ice-cream break, or even the space to not feel bad about missing out on important things. Help them just get through this tough part, whether it be preparing dinner or a tour of duty in Afghanistan, and enjoy being with them when they are finished!